One.

“You’ve been spending time on Facebook for 7 hours straight now. You haven’t done anything productive this weekend, aside from the fact that you were able to finish two books, which, although useful, doesn’t do anything to accelerate the completion of your tasks.

As you type these words and re-read them carefully you hear again the words of your so-called acquaintances trying to tell you that your current job is shit and kept saying “would you like to try this opportunity blah blah you will earn your 4 months worth of salary in just a month, or even less,” and you have this urge to answer them back saying “Why? what’s wrong with my current salary? Do you want me to turn into someone like you, who lost his sense of humanity in exchange for pieces of paper but hating his job?”

And, in your typical fashion of criticizing every thought your mind generates, you say to yourself, “Am I really comfortable with my current job or am I rationalizing?”

You process thoughts like you always do, like opening several tabs of Firefox (just like now). You’re thinking of several thoughts right now, work, blog, lessons, her, firefox, multi-threaded thinking… the list goes on as you search your mind.

You recently acquired a notebook worth Php170.00 courtesy of her eminence Zafra, and started keeping a diary/idea pad, which inspired you to renew your resolve to blog. Not contented with that, you started writing a pseudo-story and plans to assign numbers as titles of chapters, with changing the language to vary it a bit.

Your mind then suddenly shifts its attention to her. Or more specifically, to them. You automatically feel a sort of guilt of liking more than one female, but then you also remember the fact that that is a social convention and is natural, which doesn’t make it morally right but makes it feel less guilty. Her face pops in your mind, her face smiling at you against a dark background, and you’re wondering what’s the reason why you thought of her, then you remember you thought about her when you wrote the word ‘her’ in the ‘multi-threaded’ part of your pseudo-story.

You suddenly remember Berkley and Kant, and then Sophie’s World. You remember the books that you’ve been reading these past few days, and then you remember that you’ve been digressing. But there is no purpose for this thing that you’re blogging. You can almost call it freewriting, you say to yourself. And yet you cannot call it that simply because you’re still guided by the fact that you’re trying to write a pseudo-story about you, or rather, your thinking process, as it turned out. But if you’re writing about your thinking process, then you’re undergoing a thinking process about writing about your thinking process. You ask yourself, how are people able to observe themselves from a third person point of view? What particular parts of the brain are responsible for such feats?

As you continually mull over these things, you notice that you haven’t been talking about relationships and love and crushes now. You say to yourself that you have different priorities now, and you quickly ask yourself if that statement really reflects the truth or are you just escaping? We can never know the truth, you say to yourself, we can only try to pursue them.

You don’t know what the heck that means to your current situation. You decided to end this nonsense and continue some other time. Will this pseudo-story befitting of a title? What the heck, you say to yourself, things like this will generate themselves. And with a sarcastic smile on your face you triumphantly press the comma, and ends this sentence with a double-quote.”

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~ by rosmant on December 12, 2009.

2 Responses to “One.”

  1. I like this. 🙂

  2. When I read Sophie’s World, it honestly changed the way I look at everything. It really freaked me out, actually, but I kept reading, because I had to know what happened. I felt that, if something like that story could actually occur, it was vitally important to read how it was resolved. But that’s just me.

    I really like this and your thought process. Third person is always fun. It is sometimes a refreshing change of perspective.

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