Introducing Myselves. Perseid’s Curse.

Hi! My name is Rosmant and I am a deviant geek.

During grade school and high school, due to my short stature and undesirable facial features, I was the butt of the jokes in class. I felt so inferior, so lonely. Other kids laugh at me, or tease and hurt me. They’re enjoying their childhood at my expense.

This lead me to delusions that I have superpowers. That I am the savior of the oppressed. This will prove to them that I am not someone to mess with.

Every afternoon, while our kasambahay is asleep, I would go out and explore our neighborhood (circa 1995), looking for someone to save. I would frequently end up in fights, but I gained some friends along the way. Kids like me, who felt they were accomplishing something by doing good to others.

During the second and the third grade my small group of friends were able to form a pseudo-fraternity aiming at securing peace in our little school. We would explore the grounds and look for bullies. We especially protected girls, who themselves formed a sort of pseudo-sorority with a warfreak flavor. Sometimes these female groups clash with other male groups, and we often side with these girls. Those fights were memorable; I’ve spilled blood literally (My head hit the sidewalk ledge once and I was sent to the clinic to receive four stitches).

During the middle of these adventures I managed to read books and and other written stuff, mostly due to boredom rather than conscious effort. This was my definition of entertainment at that time. Living in a sleepy town with no cables, no gaming consoles (I lied there, I do have a brickgame), does have its advantages.

I was termed genius in my school because I’ve already read what’s on the book. I do have a photographic memory back then, and my teachers were impressed they transferred me to the top section, where I’ve lost interests in studying (but no in reading books).

Being smart was my way of asserting my identity back then. I cannot physically compete, both in the fields of athletics and attractiveness. But I could look smart. I will not try to be a part of a group that doesn’t want me for a member. I will establish my own niche. However there are limits to this kind of thinking, especially when I was in the top section. Most of my classmates are bright and smart people. To be a deviant of course, I need to be different from them. Hence I’ve lost interest in academics.

I still carry this deviant streak in me. I believe this is the major factor of my decisions throughout my life till now.

That is why I am a geek now.

I stayed up last night till around 11pm, staring at the dark purple sky and waiting for some meteorites fall from the sky.

The Master of the Universe (hereon will be called MOTU) said to me that the meteor shower will start at 7:00 PM, but it wasn’t till 9:00 PM that the first signs of the shower manifested itself. Of course the MOTU saw one, and my dad saw two. I didn’t saw any meteorite. I was cursing the sky for putting me in this situation. Here I am in the brink of relationship breakdown, low self-esteem, and now was refused to be shown these meteorites.

My wishes won’t come true after all.

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~ by rosmant on August 13, 2008.

One Response to “Introducing Myselves. Perseid’s Curse.”

  1. I can soooooo relate. 🙂 I wasn’t bullied in school, but it was more of people respected me because they knew that I was smart. (And I could easily outsmart them, hahaha.)

    I didn’t see the meteor shower though.

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