Trist Esse – Pass me a 6cyclemind song for this 30th day of January

“And now that you’re gone,
Do not know where to start.
Today, tomorrow, forever’s shattered.
Is there no tomorrow?”
– English translation of 6cyclemind’s ‘I’.

“I bade my last farewell as I closed the gate of the house. I avoided to look at the faces that seem to mock me, although I know they weren’t. I walked towards the highway. Just as I am about to cross the road, I removed my glasses and casted my last glance on the street, on the gate, on the house. The rustling sound of leaves mixed with the noise you hear everytime you are in a highway.

A sudden impulse made me decide to just walk from this point to my former school. Why not, I told myself. At least it will be a little bit comforting to occupy my time with avoiding vehicles than howling like a wounded animal.

As I walk past houses, car repair shops, and dog shit, my thoughts replayed at what he said a few minutes ago.

‘We’ve been in a relationship for a month now.’ He said.

And I thought she’ll wait.

I felt the unfairness of the situation. However, I realize that what I feel must be nothing compared to what she felt five months ago.

Something is blurring my sight. I tried to hold it, but it proved to be very difficult to control. I hardened my jaw, but my face became horribly distorted. Finally, I managed to smile, which may have been a result of my teeth grinding. In what? Anguish? It doesn’t matter. I tried to speak to myself in a loud voice, for sometimes my voice comforts me, just like Joseph Schwartz in Asimov’s ‘Pebble in the Sky’. But what I heard to be my voice failed its goal. What I heard is a choked, high-pitched voice:

‘What are you doing? Aren’t you happy? At least she’s in good hands. Not like yours.’

And then I laughed.

I laughed in a shrill voice. I might as well just sobbed, because it sounded just as ridiculous as sobbing.”


~ by rosmant on January 30, 2006.

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